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MOUSE LOSES LIFE IN DRUNKEN BINGE A Mouse person <we'll call him Oscar pending family notification> accidentally killed himself yesterday at an event held in the California Red Rock Desert called the "Intergalactic Away Mission - First Contact" www.awaymission.org. He apparently climbed into a half-full bottle of Newcastle beer, Thursday and drank himself into a stupor causing him to pass out, face down in the pool of elixir. Party-goers to the event later stated that they had seen the mouse in the bottle earlier, he had stripped off his Nemesis-era Star Trek Uniform and dove naked into the half full bottle. Spectators gawked as he pulled out a small section of a drinking straw and began gulping huge bong hits of the ice cold beer repeatedly, even hours later, all attempts to get the mouse to stop drinking failed. Later that evening many lodged complaints to security, and the local authorities of Foul language, racial epitaphs at the local ant population, and the increasingly loud raucous noises emanating from the now 1/4 full bottle. By 2:00 am many who attended say the music level, was so loud you could not carry on a conversation within 30' of the bottle. By 4:00 am the mouse became completely out of control, rocks and small balls of feces were hurled at anyone attempting to come near to calm him down. Thats when the staff arrived too clean the site, they found Oscar deceased, faced snout down in the deadly brew. It was also noted that there unfortunately was another 3 oz of liquid left, and had he not drowned, would have busted his gut anyway said the attending amateur pyro-technician Rabbi Dali Rick, who pronounced the little furry guy dead at 7:38 am Saturday. He drank so much that his waist size swelled to over twice it's normal girth, which also became a hindrance while trying to exit the bottle, which led to the drunken mouse standing at the mouth of the bottle and urinate openly in public, disgusting every one viewing the bizarre scene. One of the event attendees said in an interview over the phone "The beer is that good." This prompted an immediate response by the event management who stated "This will in no way affect the out of control drunken revelry at next years event. A study will commence too test the lifesaving effects of wearing a life-vest while drinking as an option. " They further stated that they intend to place a even sterner warning on the back of next years tickets. They were to busy planning a Newcastle beer bash in honor of Oscar to comment any further. Donations in the form of Newcastle beer and Albertson's Cheese party platters can be sent directly too the family of Oscar via the event Mgmt.
Respectfully, Rick Smith |